It’s the first day of December. Everything is feeling very surreal right now.
I am complete with holiday visits with some friends and now I am moving into preparation mode. Finishing up with what I’m doing with the pictures and paperwork, and I’ve been looking in thrift stores for a cot (as an option) and decent cooler. I have my heart set on a RTIC, hopefully I will find one that doesn’t break my bank!
The cot is a backup if I can’t get a platform built yet. I’m sure one or the other will show up… this or something better.
These feelings I’m having since finding out about the deaths and preparing for the death anniversaries, have been keeping me in a contemplative, yet peaceful place for some reason. This is different for me than what I once did in my life.
In the past, anxiety was the name of the game, and I am not really feeling that. I appreciate that things are shifting, and I am feeling so much better.
Trust and faith are coming out stronger for me too as well as releasing control. There is something to this process, yet I don’t really understand how it works. Maybe I’m not supposed to.
My biggest message: when you make the decision, you can find your truth and light inside, healing from any kind of trauma, and learn to follow your path. The one that was meant for you. Healing is possible. Staying stuck is not necessary. Feeling good and at peace is obtainable.
I am living my dream.
I am also continuing to release these emotions that no longer serve. One of them is fear and I think I am going to continue on this theme until I come full circle.
Having done a meeting with someone for three hours-ish and recording it to use as content for their work, I also came up against full out overwhelm in getting my stuff out there in a way that works for me.
Whenever it’s time to do marketing, for me, there is still quite a bit to learn and understand and with everything else going on at present with death and the changes I am going through both emotionally and physically, it is taking its toll on me, revolving around fear.
I feel ok most of the time, yet sometimes I get triggered and find myself having to sit with the trigger and tell myself I am ok in this moment. Even through the fear.
The fear of the unknown.
When I woke up this morning, that’s what was floating around me like a cloud taunting me into losing myself, yet not happening. I think that’s why this all feels so surreal.
There is a lot spinning around me right now and once again I also go back into a belief I have had for many years that I don’t have enough time. I get caught up in the spin and then walk my way back out of it.
Sometimes when I set a “time” goal, I lose myself in needing to make sure that I get what I need accomplished in that time frame. This one being the time allotted as to how long I will be in this space I am staying. Not wanting to overstay my welcome. I realize that is probably my fear coming up. Another thing, feeling like a burden, is a belief I carried throughout my life. It’s coming up again for me to look at. It’s ok. It’s just a belief.
I can walk through this too.
So, as you can see there is quite a lot going on here in this mind of mine and some more clearing is obviously in order. I have a highly processing mind, so that doesn’t help any of this. LOL
Here we are on December 3rd. Getting back into the gym to heal and strengthen my body. This is so necessary. The strength of the body affects the strength of the mind. Heal the body and the mind will follow. This is so important for me.
Working out helps to clear out any stuck energies that may be hiding in there and I am happy to do it. I’m starting slow because I haven’t done it in a while, but I can tell me body is happy about this.
I’m also getting back into the Starfish exercise. It’s a bit easier and I’m taking that slowly too because of the nausea. Still happening a bit but not quite as much as before.
I’m learning a lot more as to how deeply connected my body and mind are through trauma and the stress response. Things are really getting easier than ever before, and I’m totally blown away by this.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you for being here on The Ride of My Life.