Diving Deep into Healing My Nervous System
Last Sunday, I went to Riviera Beach in Florida. It was during the full moon/lunar eclipse. It is also during the Mercury Retrograde which is still going on until the 14th. Finally… whew, what a ride this has been.
A lot of energy has been releasing, shifting, and changing for me and what would have rocked my world a couple of years ago, now is easier to sit with, even when it feels like crap.
I have been on this healing journey now for over 30 years, with the last couple being a deep dive into my nervous system to heal the trauma. Where I would once get completely dysregulated or dissociate from either someone else’s energy or something that was going on in my life, now it falls under a “disturbance.”
I made a realization at the end of 2021 in my work that while cognitive therapy had worked wonders for me, there came a time when I realized something else was going on as well.
For years I had talked about the stress response and using breathing and meditation, to relax. I was in deep, trying to understand why I kept reacting to things even though I knew I was safe. I was underway to understand just how connected the body is to the mind.
So, as it happened, at the end of 2021, I received an email from my insurance company. I had just purchased my Outback and was initially told my monthly insurance payments would go down. Well, surprise… the email had just informed me that my rates went up by $200/mo. What? Noooo!!! The monthly payment on my car already went up, and I wasn’t ready for that. Needless to say, I lost it.
I was at a friend’s house visiting when I opened the email and thank goodness, he was there to hold my space. I wanted to cry but didn’t. One of the responses I have during a shock to my nervous system is to pace. I went into full-on anxiety mode and that is what happened; I began to pace. And… to top it off, I had decided at that moment to call the insurance company to get this resolved so I could release the anxiety and feel good again.
That is a big lesson I am going through now. Trusting the process is not an easy task for me. I have always been on high alert when something comes up like that. My subconscious belief is that I need to completely fix whatever is happening now or I will die.
What the hell?
It has happened more times than I can count since I was a child, but most recently I have been able to look at it and understand it better. Digging deep to understand so I can release this trauma and energy that no longer serves me.
The reason I went into this meltdown at the end of 2021 is not relevant. What is relevant is that I was able to observe myself from my higher self/soul, knowing that I was truly safe at that moment, even as I was going through the anxiety and pacing around the room in circles.
My friend kept telling me to just hang on, that everything was going to work itself out. That was so helpful and of course, it did. I rectified the situation. It was at that moment that I realized that cognitive therapy was no longer working for me because my healing process had led me directly into my nervous system.
I logically understood what was happening to me, yet I couldn’t understand why my body was shaking, why I couldn’t breathe, or why I felt the world was closing in on me. That, my friends, was a full-blown anxiety attack initiated by the physiology of the human body as a stress response by the nervous system.
I researched this years ago. All of it and until I had this awareness at this point, I didn’t understand what I needed to do next.
Well, what happened was, after writing one of my blogs from that experience, I went out on the road and stayed with a friend of mine in February 2022 in West Virginia. I was fully initiated back into my chrysalis state again from the previous year. He had invited me there to do some bodywork with me that helped me to fully connect with the mind. He has a special way of doing his work, I don’t know how to explain it, but what came next was a better understanding of what was happening to me and my body and the tools I needed to deal with it.
I stayed there for just over a month and was crashing right back down into financial trauma, which I discovered was also part of the Complex PTSD process I had been going through in my life. Things got better with that and then they got worse. By that point, it was time for me to leave.
After stopping in Florida for about 10 days, I headed up to North Carolina, where I would begin to do my interviews for The Ride of My Life Podcast. I was also doing more bodywork, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, and EMDR as well as cognitive therapy. I also did a Cacao Ceremony while I was there. Plenty of shifts occurred from that. Oddly, from the ceremony, I felt I was going back into my hole.
Cacao is a gentle healer, and I didn’t realize, until recently why it wasn’t as gentle with me. One reason is that I am highly sensitive, and I will get into that soon. The ceremony itself was beautiful. In the end, I started feeling the need to release in more ways than one, and not too soon after. I will tell you this, be sure to eat something, not a lot, but something about two hours prior. I apparently didn’t eat enough.
Following my stay outside of Charlotte in China Grove, I went to a retreat in the mountains north of Asheville. I once again was able to connect with nature and God, and I needed to experience that to understand myself and what inner peace was about. That was so powerful for me to understand inner peace as I was focused on noticing it. Instead of doing life, I basically had nothing to do but sit and walk in nature with myself and God.
Little by little, I was beginning to loosen the tight hold on my psyche and my heart. The hold that had been protecting me throughout my life. I still really didn’t understand what was going on, but I was beginning to feel different.
The Journey Goes On
From North Carolina, I went to Oklahoma City to stay over a couple of days with a friend and then on to Colorado Springs for about 11 weeks. I ended up staying with Valerie Montgomery, one of the interviewees from my podcast. You can go HERE to watch that video.
Staying with Valerie for that time was a God Moment, except for the 10” snowstorm that hit a few days after I arrived. I hadn’t seen snow in seven years of living in Florida!
We co-coached each other while I was there and learned a lot about ourselves and each other. I feel like we both had some incredible breakthroughs. I have to say, her work, the way she did it with me and how she was present for me, was incredible. It allowed me to finally connect with my inner teenager after doing years of inner child work. That felt like it was the next step in this process. It felt like I was finally getting somewhere with my healing.
For a month, from about the middle of July until the middle of August, I continued learning about myself and how I relate to the world around me on my way back to Florida. In September, I landed on the West Coast of Florida and had to dig deep to work through some things that were happening. It was interesting to me because my awareness was growing and my reactions were slowly but surely, stopping. I was also learning how the universe tends to release people from our lives so we can move forward. This had always been a challenge for me in the past because of the fear of loss I carried. Not anymore.
One of the people that left has since come back in, however, it was a huge turning point for me and that is when I first began to feel “different” and somehow still feel like the same person. Just the person I am rather than holding those energies of who I thought I was or who others expected me to be.
Understand Myself Better
Since then, I feel like I have gotten stronger in this and now I am so much more aware of what is happening and this truth of who I am.
Last Sunday, it took the full moon/lunar eclipse for me to recognize myself fully. Learning who I am, that being highly sensitive is a gift, and that self-care is of the utmost importance, especially in nature (alone). Also, working to heal my nervous system from trauma is probably the most important thing I will ever do in this lifetime so I can be who I am.
Following that is discovering how I can be of service to others, but I had to learn, many times, that it is ok to love and heal myself first, even though, or rather especially because I am highly sensitive.
I can’t know who I am if I don’t understand what is happening, understand myself, or heal my trauma. I recently realized that one of the reasons I couldn’t meditate or breathe was because of the Complex PTSD, the stacking of the traumas in my life. Something needed to change and that is why I do what I do; for myself and others.
My choice is to continue trusting this process and allowing myself to fully blossom from the inside out. To take my experiences and share them with other HSPs and the world. To realize my truth and my gift of being who I am.
I learned to be persistent, consistent, and committed because I wanted to know myself and be the truest version of myself in the world.
I create through my own healing and contribution globally to new consciousness through my spiritual growth. I am, through my way of being in the world – birthing a new awareness by healing the human heart and bringing it back into balance with nature. Learning to receive is the answer for greater human evolution and expansion.
Travelling throughout the US sharing my vision of Healing the Nervous System from Trauma to Attain Inner Peace and guiding people, to include empaths, highly sensitives and healers. I do this through speaking and a writing group called The Write to Heal – Finding Inner Peace through Writing.
Healing is best done in partnership…
I understand what it’s like to be a highly sensitive, empathic person who has experienced trauma AND inner peace.
Throughout my healing process, I came to realize that the trauma I experienced and the Complex PTSD that ensued was actually locked in my nervous system. With Cognitive Therapy done for most of my life, I was able to understand what was going on. Yet my body would react to situations that occurred, and I couldn’t figure out why. I logically knew that I was safe, but I would have an immediate anxiety attack and my body would start to go into a stress response. People would tell me to “relax” (which did not help or work) and I constantly felt I had no control over myself. As a result, that feeling of being out of control created a Protective Mechanism for me to control things through codependency. It became a viscous cycle.
I also tried to meditate, breathe, relax, connect to a Higher Power; all of the things I was searching for throughout my life and was just not able to do. I could not figure out why… until I did. I realized that my knowledge of what was going on, what to do, how to do it, etc., was great. The challenge… getting my nervous system to regulate so I could feel peace. Only then would I be able to heal the Protective Mechanisms I created… and yes, there were plenty of them.
That’s when I decided to focus mostly on bodywork with some cognitive work mixed in. As a result, I was able to release the stuck energies in my nervous system so I could finally breathe, meditate and relax. From there, I began to feel the peace inside me.
Most of us that have been traumatized with highly sensitive nervous systems will have trouble attaining and feeling peace. Until you recognize what is happening and work to release the traumatic energies from your nervous system where they are literally stuck, you will feel stuck in your life.
If you think you are empathic or highly sensitive, I can assist you in discovering what is going on, empowering yourself and transforming your life to attain and keep your peace. Just like I am doing with mine. I work with healers as well.
I invite you to recognize yourself in me and see that you too can shift and find your Freedom.
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My videos are for educational purposes and to bring people together as this is a way to rectify loneliness and that there are people who don’t always get us.
If you are having emotional distress, utilize 911 or go immediately to the emergency room. The National Suicide Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.
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