Well, it has definitely been interesting since I got back to South Florida. I have worked through some things that are lessons in this lifetime for me about focusing on myself, standing on my own two feet, and self-forgiveness. It has been quite the journey inside just in the last two weeks. I’m blown away by the shifts. And… my journey began with trauma, depression, anxiety, plenty of loss and chaos in my life, and more. I realized a lot of things that I talk about in this video and share my ah-hah moments for myself as well as recognizing that there is no same answer to heal for everyone. There just isn’t. We all have our own stuff and best I can say is to reach out to someone who can guide you out of the hole when you are ready to get out. When things get intolerable, there is a space in there that we can choose to shift ourselves and lives. It is possible.
Follow me as I share my Poem Talks, my musings, my Inner Peace Journey and through the healing work I find myself fully committed to as I learn about the truth of who I am, find new awarenesses about myself and life and share it with you in hopes that it will provide insight to your journey as well.
My Poem Talks means a lot to me and I share my deep dive into Self over the past year and a half. I reference the poems I wrote since 2021, and share how I was going deep into my healing work because I knew things needed to change in my life. I asked for the changes but it took the moment to moment experience of life for me to learn more about my truth and why I am here on this planet. The most important thing I’m finding is the connection between my Self, my Higher Self and my Higher Power. From the truth, love, beauty, connection, joy and inner peace I find inside, I am available to share my gifts with the world.
These poems that were written over this time, document the journey going on inside me. Who am I really? I am a highly sensitive being and I am Love. It hasn’t been easy and quite frankly, this time around in this life, my Soul chose many challenges to face so I could learn about compassion, love, peace and joy (my own first and then for others).
I lived my life in a complete state of “not good enough” which fully reflected in my experiences, and when that is going on, knowing myself as compassion, love, peace and joy was confounding to me.
Throughout this journey of seeking external sources to prove that I was worthy of love, after almost 30 years, I realized that the truth is inside me.
Working through grief was the kicker, feeling my anger (all my feelings) that I was never allowed to feel or show, I had no clue where I would end up.
I left my last relationship in April of 2021 and stayed in Central Florida for literally a gestation period of 8 months which pushed me into the re-birthing process to really get to know who I am and why I am here. My life really began to open up the following month as I was birthed into the beginning of my new and very different life.
Life doesn’t always work out in the way we plan (and mostly that is a good thing) but for me, confronting the darkness of my life and what I was bringing into jobs, relationships and life in general, showed me that how I lived and the things I was taught throughout my life was not my truth of who I am. In order to truly heal, I needed to walk through the grief, as painful as it was, forgive myself for not knowing better at the times I didn’t which my behavior showed, and to forgive others fully in order to find the love inside me… as I continue to discover this truth and ultimately inner peace.
The journey continues…
All my life I’ve been taught to think,
Other’s opinions are more important, then I had an instinct,
Nothing is clicking, nothing holds true,
When I listen to myself and hold my own view.
“Be careful with that, don’t think for yourself…”
“You may offend and make them angry.” Or else,
Maybe coming back home to me,
Has brought me to a place where I can see.
That strong and powerful woman inside,
With no need to run and hide,
She now understands her need to pursue,
“To thine own self”… I need to be true.
Just because I listen to myself in here,
Doesn’t mean I will lose from fear,
The fear of loss has always been big,
Sometimes it felt like my life was rigged.
They all told me I had to be like them,
If I were to be welcomed without contempt,
That I never really did fit in,
And they didn’t like that, I felt pain deep within.
That really affected me when I was young,
And continued through life, the words really stung,
Or the way people had turned their backs on me,
Because I didn’t know who I was, consistently.
It took me many years to find,
The deeper meaning of my design,
Of how I showed up on this planet,
I lived my life as a romantic.
But I couldn’t see what I needed to,
And in that I wanted to review,
The way my patterns kept me stuck,
And thinking I didn’t matter, I felt like a schmuck.
I am finding out all kinds of things now,
That the power inside is what I allow,
To come forth into the world, and then,
Not being concerned what “they” think, like I’m ten.
Here is the strength that I can show,
Something I knew deep down long ago,
But I did not trust myself to be me,
And turned my back on myself and stopped feeling free.
And now it is time to turn all that around,
I am now standing firmly on the ground,
I look out from me and know who I am,
And whether or not I’m liked… I don’t give a damn.
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