The past week has been all about Rebirth for me from my birthday on August 3rd through Sunday with an experience of connection and finding out that although I didn’t feel as though I loved, that was a lie I told myself throughout my life. From the celebrations with my friends in Oklahoma, to the cake, to the painting parties, to the love, love, love received and given, I find I am blessed, loved and supported by many in my life. The icing on the cake was when I shared about my 40th High School Reunion, which I ended up not being able to attend, about how I felt as a teen in high school that contributed to what went on in my life. I connected anyway with so many people from that post, I was in awe. Thank you all for being in my life! I love you and I am so grateful.
I forgot to mention my eye, which I tried to “make up” for by putting makeup on the other eye, to match. It didn’t work out too well, you can still see the puffy. And… wait… you should see the other guy. 😂😂😂
Follow me as I share my Poem Talks, my musings, my Inner Peace Journey and through the healing work I find myself fully committed to as I learn about the truth of who I am, find new awarenesses about myself and life and share it with you in hopes that it will provide insight to your journey as well.
My Poem Talks means a lot to me and I share my deep dive into Self over the past year and a half. I reference the poems I wrote since 2021, and share how I was going deep into my healing work because I knew things needed to change in my life. I asked for the changes but it took the moment to moment experience of life for me to learn more about my truth and why I am here on this planet.
The most important thing I’m finding is the connection between my Self, my Higher Self and my Higher Power. From the truth, love, beauty, connection, joy and inner peace I find inside, I am readily available to share my gifts with the world.
These poems that were written over this time, document the journey going on inside me. Who am I really? I am a highly sensitive being and I am Love.
It hasn’t been easy and quite frankly, this time around in this life, my Soul chose many challenges to face so I could learn about compassion, love, peace and joy (my own first and then for others). I lived my life in a complete state of “not good enough” which fully reflected in my experiences, and when that is going on, knowing myself as compassion, love, peace and joy was confounding to me.
Throughout this journey of seeking external sources to prove that I was worthy of love, after almost 30 years, I realized that the truth is inside me.
Working through grief was the kicker, feeling my anger (all my feelings) that I was never allowed to feel or show, I had no clue where I would end up.
I left my last relationship in April of 2021 and stayed in Central Florida for literally a gestation period of 8 months which pushed me into the re-birthing process to really get to know who I am and why I am here. My life really began to open up the following month as I was birthed into the beginning of my new and very different life.
Life doesn’t always work out in the way we plan (and mostly that is a good thing) but for me, confronting the darkness of my life and what I was bringing into jobs, relationships and life in general, showed me that how I lived and the things I was taught throughout my life was not my truth of who I am.
In order to truly heal, I needed to walk through the grief, as painful as it was, forgive myself for not knowing better at the times I didn’t which my behavior showed, and to forgive others fully in order to find the love inside me… as I continue to discover this truth and ultimately inner peace.
The journey continues…
I’ve got to go… I’ve got to go…
Into this void, it must be so,
I am scared, What is in there?
I do not know, I must prepare.
Prepare for what, I do not know,
Another chance for me to grow,
Inside my heart, inside my soul,
I must prepare, stay in control!
All of a sudden, a still small voice,
Says to me, “You cannot avoid…”
“going into the darkness, it is safe within,”
“you need not plan, you only begin.”
Surrender is the way, you see,
Faith and trust in God and me,
Time to go and it must be soon,
Into the darkness, into my cocoon.
What happens there, I disappear,
It turns me into a ball of fear,
But wait that voice keeps following,
Me as I keep hoping.
That nothing is scary or dangerous,
The fear is only on the surface,
As long as I trust and go inside,
I will be ok, I won’t have to hide.
For you see, the other thing,
Inside is a light that is glistening,
It may only just begin as a spark,
And a fire that grows, which lightens the dark.
The fire itself reminds me so well,
Of the Phoenix rising, as opposed to the hell.
I have been living inside myself,
For an eternity and could not be expelled,
From the pain and heartache, I had endured,
Only helped me to grow and now I am sure.
That the beautiful spark I now see is no longer contained,
I have found who I am and have much to gain,
From these ah-hah moments I keep on gleaning,
Now the void has so much more meaning.
As I go through this each and every day,
I sit with it and I have to say,
It’s not so scary, I am still alive,
I’m close to revealing that I have arrived!
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