Fear is here and then it’s gone,
The wonderment of what went wrong,
Walking through the days and then,
Wondering what’s to come and when.
I do not sit just waiting,
With nothing else to do,
Not like the past, I am creating,
The old beliefs, I’m walking through.
To the past, I look, when as a youth,
When I felt lost with no direction,
And how that is leading me to my truth,
With many days of deep reflection.
I say the past is here, no more,
Not meant to be but to only learn,
The things I was taught from days before,
That pulls me to a time of return.
To understand that who I am,
Is not what I thought, from what I was told,
Turned out those things were a complete shame,
I am big, I am strong, I am courageous, behold!
And of course, there is another side,
The part that I’ve felt I need to hide,
The world, they understand me, not,
They never knew and I forgot.
There’s the sweetness and the free spirit in me,
That no one out there wanted to see,
“Be a man,” he said, he wanted a boy,
The gentle inside me, that did destroy.
Until the day, I found it again,
The beauty in me, the Divine Feminine.
And wait, that side, he wanted me to be,
Is in there too, just waiting for me,
As I continue to heal, and find a way to define,
The Masculine in me, who protects, is Divine.
I may be a girl, but that isn’t what’s true,
The balance is coming, of what’s inside me too.
The masculine and feminine, what I needed to learn,
From the parents I had, but that was burned.
Years ago, when they got divorced,
They hated each other, and in their veins coursed,
All they could do with the anger they had,
Was not what I needed; I needed my dad.
To be strong and protective, something he could not be,
He was never proud and always ashamed of me,
And my mother, when I was little, knew not who she was,
Neither of them knew how to show me the love.
They did not have that for themselves, not at all,
They were never taught that, it created a fall,
From the grace of me that they could have had,
Instead, the anger they had for each, which really felt bad.
To that dear, sweet child, who got left behind,
No one who understood her, she was left in a bind,
Until one day, when she said, “No, more!”
The day she decided to walk through that first door.
Since that time, there have been many doors,
She has walked through hell and back, to find the shores,
Of her own beauty, which turned out to be inside,
The constant barrage of lies and pain, as the old parts of her died.
To the love she is finding, the power within,
From the past, to the now, as her new life begins,
She’s working through it all, it’s just a matter of time,
Because she gets to finally feel as though she committed no crime.
She punished herself, she was punished by others,
She crawled inside to hide and felt smothered,
From her own self-sabotage, because she didn’t know how,
Love for self has cracked me open, and now I allow.
The love inside to shine brightly through,
All the darkness I felt, and never knew,
What life could be and the journey I’m taking,
I am so grateful; I am in the process of waking.
To a beautiful life, I feel it deeply,
I continue to find the truth, so sweetly,
Inside of me, I hold myself in love,
As I heal, I feel happy is now what I think of.