Awareness

Beliefs, habits, traumas, wounds,

All locked up in the body,

Feeling as though I will never have a break from the pain,

But wait, there is a knowledge here that not many are aware of.

 

Most don’t know that conditioning, teaching and trauma as children,

Lock in these wounds into our physical body,

The sensations can be overpowering,

Especially if the wound is big.

 

Walking through this, I am being made aware,

The truth is inside, the lies are in there too,

Being told and taught things that damage our little child hearts,

Walking through a pain that when we are little don’t even know or realize what is happening to us.

 

As little children, we don’t always know what the truth is that is happening around us and in us because we don’t know how,

And we won’t until about the age of 25-27,

27, the year I realized something was up with me and had no clue what direction to take.

 

Being a 27-year-old mother, coming into my adulthood and having a 3-year-old,

I barely understood myself or what was going on around me,

Knowing something deep was running my life and not having a clue what was happening,

Just knew I had to deal with things the best I could with no one to help me or show me how,

It had always been like that, so I was used to learning things on my own.

 

The days of reckoning, of being shown what is really going on,

Who I am, deep inside, into my truth, are here,

The anguish that lies there has been far too scary, and the longer I do my healing work the deeper I go,

I go into the depths, thinking I will never surface again, yet when I do, the sun is always shines again, and things change for the better.

 

Yes, the darkness is a scary place to be, the real closet, as a child, hiding out, so no one can find me,

And then there is the proverbial closet of isolation, still hiding, still hoping others will someday understand me, what makes me tick,

Some days, the unbearable pain, the unknown pain inside my body,

Not a physical pain, an emotional one,

I sit with it, I walk through it, I allow it to hurt,

I talk about it when I can because that is how I find my answers on how to walk through it.

 

Thank God for the close friends I do have who will allow me to talk so I can find my way,

I do, the light comes shining through for me and then I am in a place where I am fully me,

Able to be there for others, stronger and more powerfully.

 

I also know that because we are human these things happen in cycles,

More is surfacing and I see things differently because I am at a different part of my journey,

Like reading a book 2 or 3 times and finding new information each new time,

That is what is happening for me.

 

I am the book,

This is the chapter,

I continue every moment to rewrite my life,

Dying to the old me, the lies I was told, the beliefs I had, the traumas that occurred,

Being born into a new me and a new awareness of who I truly am.