What a ride these last few days has been. Coming to a space of more awareness about what is going on inside of me. Walking through these challenges that I am discovering.
I did my first interview for The Ride of My Life Podcast with an incredible human being and coach, Vince Bellitto. I got to experience a taste of the work he does with people and was really floored by it. We have similar understandings on working with trauma and I learned some great things from him that helped me a lot.
The biggest thing that came from that was the realization about resistance.
What is resistance and why do we have it?
Resistance is like an invisible wall that stands between the ambitions we hold and the part of our Self we desperately want to become. Bringing this resistance into view is extremely important for our personal development.
Most people, especially those who have been traumatized, consistently run into this wall, get knocked on our behinds, get back up, and repeat the procedure with no end in sight. It is something we do, and we mostly don’t even know we’re running into a wall. We’re just left feeling confused, dazed, and disoriented, unable to make any sense of recurring self-defeat or self-sabotage.
The resistance happens when we have made the decision begin small changes in life that are definitely for the better and to heal from an existential crisis. We then tend to buck up against these changes even though what kept us “safe” for so long isn’t working anymore.
There is a really good article 8 Reasons Why You Feel Intense Internal Resistance After Deciding to Change Your Life that really helps to explain all of this.
It’s time to break through this resistance.
I found that as I am moving forward with The Ride of My Life, this resistance is coming up full force. The podcast and blog has been something I have wanted to do for a very long time, however, it requires me to feel this fear I am having and walk through it anyway. I can see why it would be called an existential crisis.
Do I stay the same, not change and be miserable forever? Do I risk being hit by that 2×4 to wake me up? Or… do I just go for it, walk through the fear and experience the life I have always wanted?
Of course, I want the last one… not so easy. There is adversity to go through, healing to do, lessons to learn and tests to pass in this school we call life.
I realized that the extreme resistance that is coming up for me is around everything I am working on doing with the podcast. The things that I don’t really know how to do and where there is a learning curve. Especially those times where my technology doesn’t work well or at all and it takes me forever to complete something that needn’t take that long to do. I am working with the basics and on a budget.
What this leads me into is one of my beliefs regarding “time.”
This has been coming up for me for a while now. The belief is that “there is never enough time.” I don’t know where that came from, but I would really like to. I’ll sit with that; I’m curious.
Meanwhile, I was in isolation for so long that I am also taking time away from my work to have conversations with friends and not focusing. Ugh… that puts me in another whirl of “running out of time.”
So, fear causes resistance and resistance causes procrastination and procrastination causes me to question what I’m doing and then I stop doing it. Then, I’m noticing the resistance and go back to what I am doing because I know that I want it to shift.
It’s getting better and especially after the process I did with Vince yesterday on the interview, things are really feeling different for me. I don’t yet know how to explain what “different” is, I can say that I am becoming more focused.
How does resistance affect you in your life?