Well, I’m getting closer to the date I will be heading out. I have a deep knowing and validations after 3 conversations I have had with a couple of friends over the last two days, that I am ok. It took a minute, but I am feeling much better.
I find it interesting that the friends I spoke to, were all Divine Masculine men and I find it interesting that men are showing up for me more in my life right now, than women. I really did need this.
To work through this, I looked back and realized I really didn’t have guidance from my father in this way.
Father and the natural capacity to raise his child is not only for providing a sense of security and protection, they are also there to teach their children about taking action in life. That is my understanding, I’m sure there is more to it. Just did some quick research on this.
My father really didn’t show me about how to do take action, yet there was an expectation from him that I already knew the answer to everything. That, as I was growing up, always had me feeling not good enough because I could never meet his expectations and he never said he was proud of me.
I bring that up to share the difference between what I did not get from my father that I personally needed and what these men were able to provide for me in the past couple of days. My father just didn’t understand how, I feel, it’s not that he didn’t love me. That I get.
He used to say to me, “No matter what happens, I will always love you.” I felt his love in different ways.
Anyway, what I am working up to saying here is this; these conversations full of love, truth, compassion and direction, helped me in the last couple days to walk through the fears that have been coming up about this new direction and path I am taking. They validated me and my thoughts; things really have started to make sense to me.
I am headed out today to a funeral for a friend I knew a while ago. This is bringing up a lot for me about life, death and rebirth, which is what I feel is happening with me. This cycle of my life is coming to a close and in a lot of ways I feel like I am dying to the old me. I can’t really explain what that means yet, but it is a feeling I have. It involves a deep love and compassion for me, my inner little girl and life itself.
Dying to the old version of me is bringing me more and more into freedom, I can say that. This trip I am about to embark on, as I go into the cold of WV and basically hibernating and healing into the next chapter of my life, is teaching me a lot.
I feel like I am a very short way from breaking out of my chrysalis. The butterfly is about to come forth and I can feel it. This process and this preparation for the trip is opening and expanding me and my life and I know as I am riding the open road, more will reveal itself.
I feel more ready than I ever have and as I work through the habits and release the beliefs I have held onto that no longer serve my life as it is now, I feel the excitement growing.
I remember Iyanla Vanzant saying years ago, “If the pee isn’t running down your leg, the dream isn’t big enough,” or words to that effect. Well, the pee is running, the nausea is rising, the sweat is pouring, the tears are expressing, and the/my truth is being revealed.
This ride is important to me because of what I have gone through in my life with trauma and being able to walk through this is monumental for me, personally. I also feel that as I do this and Role Model for others to show, that no matter what you have gone through in your life, there is healing and peace, love and joy to find and receive on the other side.
Final preparations are happening now, as it looks like my departure within the first 10 days of the new year is imminent. I will keep you posted!
We are truly all one and being able to connect in such a way to bring this peace and healing to this planet, I know fully that it begins with me.
here to be the instrument of your peace, I prepare fully now for The Ride of My Life.