Parental alienation involves a group of behaviors that are damaging to children’s mental and emotional well-being and can interfere with a relationship between a child and either parent (mother or father). These behaviors most often accompany high conflict marriages, separation or divorce.
The behaviors whether verbal or non-verbal, cause a child to be mentally manipulated or bullied into believing a loving parent is the cause of all their problems, and/or the enemy, to be feared, hated, disrespected and/or avoided. It is traumatic to the children, the noncustodial parent or other family members that love them.
This definition just gives a general idea on the term and how it has been used.
The term Parental Alienation and other terms similar such as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) have now been around for a while. (Please see my story on the About Caroline page to learn how I found out about it almost 20 years ago.) The issue now with these terms is that with the adult children survivors of hostile divorce, using the term makes them feel as though they are blaming the custodial parent. It has always been stated that children just want to love and be loved by BOTH of their parents. Remember this as I go on with this information.
The point behind this work is not to blame anyone, it is to heal parents, children and families and change the system. No one can heal if the system is set up to be adversarial. The only way healing can happen is through willingness and a decision to change.
It is so important to protect the innocent, …the children.
We need to educate and make the public aware of the effects of the alienation of a loving parent and how the courts are involved. The term Family Bond Obstruction, from the new documentary Erasing Family, coming out in the beginning of 2019 was coined because these now adult children do not want to blame the other parent and the term parental alienation feels like that to them.
I am an Ambassador/participant in the film. You can find out more information for the documentary HERE.
This, in itself, shows how anger, blame, resentment and other highly charged emotions can cause issues in a hostile divorce. The courts, attorneys, child services, and anyone else involved in ensuring the care and welfare and the best interest of the child needs to be aware of this is their decisions and actions.
The aim of the Awareness is to make the general public, judges, police officers, mental health care workers, child protection agencies, lawyers, as well as friends and families going through this, become aware of this growing problem.
In the process of high conflict/hostile divorce and custody, we are taking generations of children and in effect making it necessary for them to be on medication, seek therapy or the worst case scenario, commit suicide. These things are happening and the public needs to be aware of this and start advocating for change.
In the absence of confirmed abuse or neglect, children have a right to have a relationship with both parents. Children denied a relationship with a parent struggle as adults: 70% suffer from depression, 35% develop problems with drugs and alcohol and 50% are alienated from their own children. Erasing a loved one is a problem often ignored because it is considered a normal part of divorce.
One caveat that we all need to be aware of; we cannot create change from the same emotion we used to make the problem. Actually, Albert Einstein coined the phrase, “We cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
It’s important to not take personally the specificity of whether we are discussing mothers or fathers, when we discuss these issues, that it feels like we are not including you. I was the alienated mother and I see how this is affecting everyone, no one who deals with the courts are exempt. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, friends, etc.
Our goal is healing, reuniting and change. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.
If you are going through a hostile divorce, alienation, or Family Bond Obstruction, please connect with us in one of our Closed Facebook Groups, Glimmers of Hope – Non-Custodial Moms Support Group – Divorce/Alienation or Glimmers of Hope – All Inclusive Family Support – Divorce/Alienation .
The mothers group is specifically directed towards moms who have lost or are in the process of potentially losing custody of their children and don’t know which way to turn. The all inclusive family group is for anyone; mothers, fathers, step-parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, etc. Both groups have been set up to assist mothers or families in coming together with the idea of a support system and a safe place to realize that you are not alone in what you are going through.
There will be plenty of support and love for each person that come into our Mom’s Group or the Family Group. What we ask of you is this: that you are in a place of desiring to be the best you can be for yourself and your children and that you are willing to be open to new ideas and subjects regarding yourself and your relationship with you children.
We expect that you are in this for connection, support, love, and changes, so please note that it isn’t a space for a complaining or negativity. These groups are set up for the safety of its members and if you choose to do anything different, we will not tolerate it and you will be asked to leave or be deleted from the group. There is enough going on in dealing with the hostile divorce and alienation, as well as not being able to grieve the loss of your children.
Please note that these groups are set up to assist those interested in moving forward. It will involve ideas and practices in being able to handle what is happening, some self-help recommendations and some real life ideas and suggestions in handling your situation. This group is about growth, not staying stuck in your story, which doesn’t help you anyway. The end result is to be strong for you and your children.
Remember, you are not alone in this and there is guidance, love and support here for you. Please head over to one of our groups , and answer the questions, which is a requirement to get in.
Anyone who has experience with divorce, alienation, or family bond obstruction, whether a therapist, counselor, mediator, attorney, personal experience, etc., we welcome your knowledge and suggestions into this group as well.
I welcome any questions. Please use the form below.
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A film told from the perspective of children/young adults from divorced families who are fighting to reunite with their broken families. It investigates Family Bond Obstruction from multiple perspectives: Moms and Dads alienated from their children and siblings who don’t see each other. This film is to make aware and educate the public of a growing public health crisis. Kids deserve to love and be loved by both fit & loving parents.
You can join a growing community of 508 backers who have pledged over $157,581 towards the production of Erasing Family. We have completed filming and need to double funds raised to date to finish editing AND create a robust impact campaign that reunites families!
$1000 or more will be credited as Associate Producer.
$300 or more part of our Giving Circle with access to the film before anyone else.
A donation of $50 or more will get a thank you in the credits or a dedication to your children .
Please email us firstname.lastname@example.org to donate by check. Your contribution is tax deductible in the US.
A special grant from the Canadian Association of Equality made possible with the support of Kim McCord for $195,000.
TO DONATE CLICK HERE