Parental alienation involves a group of behaviors that are damaging to children’s mental and emotional well-being and can interfere with a relationship between a child and either parent (mother or father). These behaviors most often accompany high conflict marriages, separation or divorce.
The behaviors whether verbal or non-verbal, cause a child to be mentally manipulated or bullied into believing a loving parent is the cause of all their problems, and/or the enemy, to be feared, hated, disrespected and/or avoided. It is traumatic to the children, the noncustodial parent or other family members that love them.
This definition just gives a general idea on the term and how it has been used.
The term Parental Alienation and other terms similar such as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) have now been around for a while. (Please see my story on the About Caroline page to learn how I found out about it almost 20 years ago.) The issue now with these terms is that with the adult children survivors of high conflict divorce, using the term makes them feel as though they are blaming the custodial parent. It has always been stated that children just want to love and be loved by BOTH of their parents. Remember this as I go on with this information.
The point behind this work is not to blame anyone, it is to heal parents, children and families and change the system. No one can heal if the system is set up to be adversarial. The only way healing can happen is through willingness and a decision to change.
It is so important to protect the innocent, …the children.
We need to educate and make the public aware of the effects of the alienation of a loving parent and how the courts are involved. The term Family Bond Obstruction, from the new documentary Erasing Family, coming out in the beginning of 2019 was coined because these now adult children do not connect with the term parental alienation.
I am an Participant in the film as well as an Ambassador. You can find out more information for the documentary HERE.
This, in itself, shows how anger, blame, resentment and other highly charged emotions can cause issues in a high conflict divorce. The courts, attorneys, child services, and anyone else involved in ensuring the care and welfare and the best interest of the child need to be aware of this in their decisions and actions.
The aim of Awareness is to show the general public, judges, police officers, mental health care workers, child protection agencies, lawyers, as well as friends and families going through this, become educated of this growing problem.
In the process of high conflict divorce and custody, we are taking generations of children and in effect making it necessary for them to be on medication, seek therapy or the worst case scenario, commit suicide. These things are happening and the public needs to be aware of this and start advocating for change.
In the absence of confirmed abuse or neglect, children have a right to have a relationship with both parents. Children denied a relationship with a parent struggle as adults: 70% suffer from depression, 35% develop problems with drugs and alcohol and 50% are alienated from their own children. Suicide is becoming a result of this as well. Erasing a loved one is a problem often ignored because it is considered a normal part of divorce.
One caveat that we all need to be aware of; we cannot create change from the same emotion we used to make the problem. Actually, Albert Einstein coined the phrase, “We cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
It’s important to not take personally the specificity of whether we are discussing mothers or fathers, when we discuss these issues, that it feels like we are not including you. I was the alienated mother and I see how this is affecting everyone, no one who deals with the courts are exempt. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, extended family, siblings, friends, and the children themselves.
Our goal is healing, reuniting and change. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.
If you are going through a high conflict divorce or alienation, please connect with us in one of our Closed Facebook Groups, Glimmers of Hope – Noncustodial Moms – High Conflict Divorce/Alienation or Glimmers of Hope – All Inclusive Family – High Conflict Divorce/Alienation .
Both groups are geared towards the love and support of those who have lost or are in the process of potentially losing custody of their children or have been fighting to just to see them, don’t know which way to turn and feel alone. We have one group strictly for moms and the other is all inclusive family group for anyone; mothers, fathers, step-parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, even adult children who have been through this. These groups have been set up to connect mothers, fathers and families in coming together with the idea of a safe place to see that you are not alone in what you are going through.
There will be plenty of support and love for each person that come into our Mom’s Group or the All Inclusive Family Group. What we ask of you is this: that you are in a place of desiring to be the best you can be for yourself and your children and that you are willing to be open to new ideas and subjects regarding yourself and your relationship with you children.
We expect that you are in this for connection, support, love, and changes, so please note that it isn’t a space for a complaining or negativity. These groups are set up for the safety of its members and if you choose to do anything different, we will not tolerate it and you will be asked to leave or be deleted from the group. There is enough going on in dealing with the high conflict divorce, alienation, family court as well as not being able to grieve the loss of your children.
Please note that these groups are set up to assist those interested in moving forward. It will involve ideas and practices in being able to handle what is happening, some self-help recommendations and some real life ideas and suggestions, if feasible. This group is about growth, not staying stuck in your story, which doesn’t help you anyway. The end result is to be strong for you and your children.
Remember, you are not alone in this and there is guidance, love and support here for you. Please head over to one of our groups and answer the questions, which is a requirement to get in.
Anyone who has experience with high conflict divorce and/or alienation, whether a therapist, counselor, mediator, attorney, personal experience, etc., we welcome your knowledge and suggestions into this group as well.