Living in the place I am right now, is like a hostel. People coming and going. Even though I have always said goodbye to people in my life, it feels different for some reason now.

I remember learning from a monk, years ago, how nothing ever stays the same, the perceived bad or the perceived good. When we can let go of both, then we understand.

Fears tend to make us want or need permanence, however, there is nothing in the world or in nature that works that way. Everything is born, lives and dies. We even go through that process on a daily basis, dying to our old selves and starting anew.

We are always changing and growing, even our bodies are doing that.

When something new is being born, there will always be pain, like a baby. The pain feels like squeezing through a small opening or when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon. Life tends to squeeze us during those moments of growth and while it feels like there is more pain, both permanence and change can cause pain.

The pain we feel when everything stays the same or the permanence of it creates a stuckness. We feel that just as much as we feel the shifts, yet the shifts are actually changes for the better.

I have found that in staying in something that I thought was permanent actually turned out to be the one thing that forced me out of it.

Situations and relationship literally hurt me. Emotionally, physically, mentally and physically. So why did I keep myself in them.

There was always a fear of loss – of love, of friendship, of something. What ended up happening was that I lost myself. Every time.

I like things to change and I like things to stay the same yet I knew that it was actually more painful to stay where I was instead of trying on my bravery and moving forward.

I decided at this point to face changes with the thought of adventure. Instead of being afraid at every turn and wanted to stay in the same place, each opportunity becomes something new and interesting instead of scary.

Today I am doing better. Good news, this experience is showing me that change is ok on this journey.