Waking up on Mother’s Day, I felt the rush of disappointment, yet again. A few things came up that I was about to work through.

I had been working through something and when I found out, yesterday, that instead of it being done with, I still had some paperwork I needed to provide to complete this process.

I felt incredibly sad because I knew I couldn’t fill the first two requests. I had no idea how I would do it. I started to feel this deeply. I didn’t know what I was going to do.

Here’s the miracle. The disappointment only lasted about a minute.

In my past, I would have normally gone into a tailspin and had an anxiety attack. I described that somewhat in my last blog post with my experience I had with the insurance email in 2021.

This time it was different. I sat and looked at my computer, took a deep breath and dug in a little deeper to get more information.

Turned out that surely, the attorney who was helping me do this would be able to get this paperwork from the list of requests.

Next, I found on the website that I could provide a letter to explain why I couldn’t provide proof of an address that existed 50 years ago.

I breathed a little deeper. The attorney already has the last two documents, so I knew this was something that they would probably be doing for me.

Almost final outcome: only one thing is needed, and I am glad I trusted the process this time and didn’t freak out.

That thing that was needed was Patience and Trust.

Disappointment is a big deal for me and has been since the day I was born.

What this has done to me throughout my life is this…

Immediately, in a situation like this, I go into “fix” mode. Here I desperately need to “fix” something before I start to feel like my emotions overrun me.

This has always led to the subconscious belief that “If I don’t fix this now, I will die or it will kill me.” This runs deep and powerfully in my nervous system.

It has affected pretty much everything in my life I felt I couldn’t control.

I had always felt the need to control because I always felt so out of control.

It affected my need and attempts to head chaos off at the pass; to make sure nothing would go wrong. I have done this to protect myself from an “inevitable demise” that was floating around in my head.

Here is where I continued to lose trust and faith – in God, in myself, in life. And where my patience was wearing thin.

Guess what? We can’t control anything.

Generally, in the moment, I feel this in my nervous system and get shaky, even still because I am just becoming aware of this.

It is so deep, and I know it is something I get to release because this has been choking me out… forever.

At least that’s what it feels like.

In this moment now, because of the work I have been doing, I am quickly aware that this is something I get to sit with and work through because this is an energy that has held me back in all areas of my life.

The feeling of disappointment has been a Day 1 birth trauma, which got stuck in my nervous system. It happened during a non-verbal time for me when the act of my mother, literally turning her back on me the day I was born, to go and help other patients in the hospital, was locked into my nervous system and I had no idea.

I am not saying this to make her bad. I have been through my healing with her and have done a lot of forgiveness work around it. You can find this story in the blogs I posted two years ago, because this part of the healing process is coming up again for a reason.

I have mentioned that when something comes back around, “Why is this happening to me again?” there is something else going on for us to look at.

We are climbing the mountain in a spiral in our journey.

Now we are at a point, because of the growth that has occurred up until now, that we are looking out from the mountain from a different place; higher in our growth process.

This isn’t new and it really isn’t about the situation. It is about the opportunity to look at and release an energy we have been carrying with us. We are ready to go even deeper, to heal at the deepest levels of our soul.

That is where I am, so bear with me on the description.

The pre-verbal experience I had with my mother at birth, created a space where I never felt safe, was always trying to control everything and I was also being codependent, rescuing others in hopes that someone would finally help me.

I was also “waiting for the other shoe to drop” in just about every situation in my life.

It also didn’t help that I am highly sensitive because my already sensitive nervous system trait had stacked traumas that kept me stuck in this vicious circle. It’s been a never-ending theme throughout my life.

This presented many opportunities in my life to feel unsafe and helpless when something would happen. I would attempt to control everything.

I couldn’t trust the unfolding of life or be patient; my patience would fly out the window.

What did I learn from this?

With these things that happened in my life, I was gaining ground on learning to trust myself and know that I was always being taken care of by a force greater than me. I also needed to learn to trust life.

I had to be open to these things and allow them to happen.

What I learned is interesting. Just the act of being aware of my lesson, helped to clear the energy out of my nervous system.

Nope, I get that doesn’t make sense. Some things won’t. It just is.

And so… here are –

3 Things to Do to Get Out of the Disappointment Tailspin and Learn to Trust; life is there for us.

  1. Allow yourself to feel whatever feeling is coming up for you in the moment – when a feeling comes up, catch it. Recognize what it is. Is it shame? Fear? Sadness? Anger? Feelings have many faces and can be very confusing if you don’t understand what your feelings are or how to deal with them. Maybe you were even taught not to look at them and you stuff them down instead. As hard as it may feel in the moment, let yourself touch the feeling.
  2. Sit with and work through what is coming up for you – spend time with the feeling. Let it know you want to know why it’s there. For some this may sound a little weird at first, but our bodies will let us know eventually. Where do you feel it in your body? Look up the meaning of a pain or feeling in that part of your body to get used to it. You will become quite adept with your intuition, which is there to guide you, if you do this.
  3. Breathe your way through it to release the energy of the feeling – This is a very important step. Trauma gets stuck in the nervous system and physiology of the body – the muscles, tendons, organs, etc. When you breathe through your mouth, you are helping and allowing your body to release these traumas. There are other ways to help, but the breath is what will get you there first.

I create through my own healing and contribution globally to new consciousness through my spiritual growth. I am, through my way of being in the world – birthing a new awareness by healing the human heart and bringing it back into balance with nature. Learning to receive is the answer for greater human evolution and expansion.

Travelling throughout the US sharing my vision of Healing the Nervous System from Trauma to Attain Inner Peace and guiding people, to include empaths, highly sensitives and healers. I do this through speaking and a writing group called The Write to Heal – Finding Inner Peace through Writing.

Healing is best done in partnership…

I understand what it’s like to be a highly sensitive, empathic person who has experienced trauma AND inner peace.

Throughout my healing process, I came to realize that the trauma I experienced and the Complex PTSD that ensued was actually locked in my nervous system. With Cognitive Therapy done for most of my life, I was able to understand what was going on. Yet my body would react to situations that occurred, and I couldn’t figure out why. I logically knew that I was safe, but I would have an immediate anxiety attack and my body would start to go into a stress response. People would tell me to “relax” (which did not help or work) and I constantly felt I had no control over myself. As a result, that feeling of being out of control created a Protective Mechanism for me to control things through codependency. It became a viscous cycle.

I also tried to meditate, breathe, relax, connect to a Higher Power; all of the things I was searching for throughout my life and was just not able to do. I could not figure out why… until I did. I realized that my knowledge of what was going on, what to do, how to do it, etc., was great. The challenge… getting my nervous system to regulate so I could feel peace. Only then would I be able to heal the Protective Mechanisms I created… and yes, there were plenty of them.

That’s when I decided to focus mostly on bodywork with some cognitive work mixed in. As a result, I was able to release the stuck energies in my nervous system so I could finally breathe, meditate and relax. From there, I began to feel the peace inside me.

Most of us that have been traumatized with highly sensitive nervous systems will have trouble attaining and feeling peace. Until you recognize what is happening and work to release the traumatic energies from your nervous system where they are literally stuck, you will feel stuck in your life.

If you think you are empathic or highly sensitive, I can assist you in discovering what is going on, empowering yourself and transforming your life to attain and keep your peace. Just like I am doing with mine. I work with healers as well.

I invite you to recognize yourself in me and see that you too can shift and find your Freedom.

Thank you for supporting my conscious business, I love and appreciate you!

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My videos are for educational purposes and to bring people together as this is a way to rectify loneliness and that there are people who don’t always get us.

If you are having emotional distress, utilize 911 or go immediately to the emergency room. The National Suicide Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.

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