Well, the awarenesses that are coming up for me going through this process are very profound. It is not of life as I learned it or as I have known it. It is not about the beliefs and habits I have acquired over the years.
This is fully about becoming whole. Whole-istic work is what this is, and it is a very interesting process that I am fully learning to trust.
I have always been intrigued with healing, so much so that I have made my life about the search of looking for something different, better, more profound. I looked everywhere.
In people, in religion, in spirituality, in, in, in… everything was outside of me where I was looking.
I don’t remember that one day specifically that it shifted for me, but at one point, I had this huge realization that my answers were not out there, but inside me and my heart, the truth was in there, I just needed to connect to it.
Remember about the body/mind connection and how powerful it is.
This new process I am getting into is physical… and it is painful. It showed up at the time that I needed it, though. So I am all in.
With the Starfish exercise, I get nauseous, and I cry, because I don’t like feeling that way. I get dizzy and I cry because I don’t like feeling that way. But deep down in the depths of my being, I know that there is something to this exercise and every time I do it, no matter how painful, there is an awakening inside of me that occurs. As Dory from Nemo says, “Keep on swimming, keep on swimming.” Oh, the irony… as Starfish swim, in their way, of course.
Interesting, the symbolism/meaning behind the starfish is: “The star as well as the starfish are seen as celestial symbols. They represent infinite divine love. In addition to love, the starfish also holds characteristics such as guidance, vigilance, inspiration, brilliance and intuition.
The starfish teaches you to cure yourself over time, fill up the void, and replace it with something better. It symbolizes regeneration, renewal, and self-sustainability.
Moving through life doing most things in your own unique way, you trust your instincts and have the innate ability to discern new possibilities and opportunities. You have the ability to follow your inner voice and heart to achieve your goals and desires. You have a tendency to see things either as black or white, up or down, right or wrong and occasionally will judge others with this criteria rather than recognizing that all things are usually balanced somewhere in the middle.” https://www.dontmondaymysunday.com/
Recognizing that this is what is fully going on with me and knowing that the regeneration, renewal and self-sustainability are all happening, I continue to move through and sit with the emotional and physical pain and nausea that is coming up. It is part of this process, and I am good with it.
When I first started my journey, there was a time during which I was going through a personal development course for about a year. Every six weeks, after 33 hours of full out healing work, by Monday morning after the weekend, I was throwing up.
This was my way of doing it.
Throughout my life, up until that point, I held everything that every happened with me in my gut. The fears, the pains, the grief, the sadness, the anger, you name it, it was there. The body releases toxins when it needs to, throwing up is just one way it does that. After that year was over, I have not thrown up. That was 2016-2017.
Going deeper now into places I have never been before and releasing the deep and primal stuff. I don’t know what to expect and I keep going. That is what this experiment is all about.
As I heal more, I can share more. I need to know what this feels like and how it works, first. For me, for you, for the planet.
Here I go…
Anyway, so just a quick update on the car. Yesterday, I contacted a carpenter who was referred to me by a friend. I will be sending him videos and pics of my car to see if he is able to transform it into what I need to be on the road. I am excited about this and scared at the same time. That’s ok though, this is a big deal. Moving through that as well.
I am getting back the excitement I used to carry in my life before isolating and protecting myself and I am here to say that it is definitely causing forward movement and momentum.
Whew! I got this!
Let’s move together on The Ride of My Life! I love to share!