Perfect timing… I had mentioned that not only is this chronicling the logistics of what is going on with purchasing the van, it is also about where my emotions are going too.

I just watched, actually not finished watching, a movie called Nomadland. It’s very interesting and it chronicles a woman who ended up in a van because her husband died, and she lost her job in a small town that ended up shutting down because where she worked was the main source of income for the whole town. They actually got rid of the zip code. That was pretty sad, but things like that happen all over this country, more than most of us know.

It’s a really good movie, but the beginning takes place in the dead of winter, with snow, in Nevada. Yeah, that’s not happening. I plan on Snow birding my way around. I don’t do snow, if I can help it. I don’t mind visiting up there to see what it’s about in the summer, but not that.

Anyway, this share is about what I am mostly feeling today. I knew this would eventually come up, especially at the beginning of this process.

Yes, parts of the movie put fear in me about the unknown.

Things went wrong and the main character showed her emotions of frustration, sadness and fear very well. She did receive assistance at every turn, though, from the people out there.

My issue, since I empathically feel others’ emotions sometimes, is that I may have picked up on her stuff, and mixed it with my feelings, even though it’s just a movie. I don’t know the answer right now in this moment, but I do know that all will be revealed.

It gave me some time to sit with it.

What I know is that I am not giving up on this lifelong dream I’ve had since I was young. I love to travel, and I love to see what’s out there. I have done this before in a Class A Motorhome and I used to go camping a lot, so I get the gist of the possibilities and probabilities.

I know I can do this, and I also know there will be times like this where I feel scared. I’m ok with that because what I do know is that I am meant to do this for a while, and I am good with that.

Sure, there will be things that come up in all of this and of course it’s scary. I am just to the point in my life where I don’t want to sit and wonder what could have been and go to my grave that way. This is big and with all the of support I have been getting, I can do this!

The interesting thing is that I always appreciate hearing about people, who when they die, they were at least doing something they loved doing. We will all eventually die, and I am slowly getting into the head space where it is ok for me to do something I love.

Throughout my life I have feared death. A lot of us do. What I did learn a while ago is the reason I feared death so much was because I also feared life. I have been hiding and protecting myself for a long time.

I am not doing that anymore. I have a lot of life to live, and I choose to take advantage of that to the best of my ability.

Yes… I’m scared. And yes… this is happening.

Thank you for joining me on The Ride of My Life!