Major realizations in the discovery of who I really am and who and what is good for me.
I have realized most recently, and had thoughts before, that when I am “fighting” to have a relationship with someone or make something happen that never occurs, those things and people are just not right for me.
Square peg in round hole.
Finding new people who resonate with me that naturally believe in me and connect with me on a deeper level. This is something I have attempted to do in my life with others and I was so desperate to be loved, that I forced the issue.
It did not work.
I can no longer do that. It hurts me and it obviously doesn’t make sense.
Somehow, though because I wanted so desperately to be loved, I pushed and pushed, hoping to make that thing or relationship work when, in essence, it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Not everyone or everything is for me.
And that is perfectly ok as I can see and feel that now.
This, then is probably the biggest release in my life.
I know that I am different than most and for my whole life, no one really understood or got me. That was very painful because of the trauma of abandonment and alienation that occurred from the get go. I see now where I would be needy in life and now that this is my awareness, I don’t need to do that anymore.
I am ok with who I am now. In fact, I’m better than ok.
I realized that I am so good at attracting things and people into my life by just being me, that I no longer feel the need to search anyone out, especially those that aren’t right for me.
Big caveat, for the moment.
I am just coming to an understanding of this, so it doesn’t necessarily mean I am totally “healed” from it. There may still be instances that show me that I am not, and I am ready for them now. This is normal in the healing journey.
So having lost so much in my life and fearing loss, to realizing that those losses were necessary so I could find me, I now understand that and welcome the pain. It actually has brought to that place of peace again which seems to be happening more and more, closer and closer to each other through the occurrences of learning.
This is amazing and I am so ready to move forward!
Thank you for being here with me and let’s see together where my adventures will take me! 😊