I have been writing this blog for an incredible 200 days! I am in awe with myself, and I love that I have been able to walk through this journey since April, in this creative and cathartic way. My goal is to continue until I have done it for one year and then who knows where I will be by April 2022.
Anyway, this past weekend was a continued version of releasing and regrouping in my heart, mind, body and my life. I sat with myself as I cleared things out and worked on digitizing my pictures (I have waaayyyy more to go) and it was so freeing. My plan is to make a file for my children so they can have them digitized and keep a few of my favorites.
I don’t want to burden myself with stuff anymore, let alone burden them. I feel really good today because for the first time in a long time, I feel forward movement in the present moment.
I did learn some powerful things about myself over the weekend. Like I still protect myself, trying to control certain situations by pre-worrying about what could happen and talking about it. This has never gotten me anywhere, yet it has happened and has been ongoing throughout my life. I had learned a long time ago that it is part of trauma. It’s the other shoe dropping, it’s to feel safe, it’s to feel like I have control over my surroundings and situations. It’s the hyper-vigilance.
As I am typing this, I want to laugh out loud! There is no such thing as control. Here, again, is where surrender, trust and faith come in and as I see my old patterns and behaviors right in front of my eyes, I also see why they don’t work and haven’t, at least not as an adult.
I am observing everything and taking things in and reworking them and I am so grateful all of this is happening. It really does make me want to laugh at the way my life has been.
The other thing that happened yesterday is a conversation I had with an ex-boyfriend. I never expected that to happen when I reached out to let him know I had unintentionally kept something that was his and wanted to see if he wanted it back. He reached back out and we talked on the phone! Some closure has begun there, and it was fantastic. I am so amazed at how things shift around me in general, with others and life, when I shift my thoughts, heal my feelings and learn about who I really am.
I am actually stunned. I feel way different from when I first began this journal and definitely my journey 30 years ago. I am mostly in awe, as I said, and in shock too.
Here’s the deal. To go from complete depression, loss, times of suicidal ideation, my entire life being disrupted in such a big way, especially recently to how I am feeling right now, is powerful for me. I can’t get over it. It’s very exciting!
This can be done and I am living proof. What is needed and necessary is a decision to move forward from the behaviors and patterns we carry, a willingness to walk through it and doing whatever it takes, no matter what pain comes up, and constantly working on being 1% better than you were the day before. And, most importantly, learning to love ourselves through everything.
Not an easy ride and I’m pretty sure there is more to come. What I do know is that it won’t be as hard as it’s been because we don’t go backwards once we’ve released what no longer serves us.
Now, I haven’t advertised here because this has been to give a look into how I have and continue to work through my healing process.
I have figured out a way to do this work in way less than 30 years, through the clients I’ve worked with and my own work.
If you are on the cusp or precipice of something that you really want to do in your life, business or otherwise, and you know that you want to shift your life and there is something holding you back that you can’t put your finger on in moving forward, I have found a way to bridge that gap in 90 days or 6 weeks. It depends on the depth of what it is that you’ve gone through and your willingness and persistence in following through on the work.
At the end of that time, there becomes a readiness to take over for yourself and use your own inner power and strength to move through your life in a big way.
I had to do the work for myself and learn through those clients, to see that it could be done with others. It is really amazing and every time I talk about my client’s progress with them, I am in blown away, as well, about how it works.
If you have questions, let me know and I would be happy to answer them. Have a beautiful day!!