When I am at my lowest point
from situations in my life and to disappoint
myself and others who I thought cared
and instead fell down and was completely scared.
I always needed relationship
and looked outside myself to ride that trip
and what I am finding out today
is that is not the way I get to play.
For, you see there is something interesting
I’m finding in how things that I’m doing have been preventing
me from realizing who I really am
that my life has been a huge scam.
Yet that isn’t true either, my life is my life
and I’m grateful to have it, no matter the strife
which has gotten me through and to the point here
where I’m finding my beliefs have been like a bombardier.
Everything seemingly got blown up
and it felt like my world got more corrupt
even though that was in my mind and then
I realized this was not the truth and that is when
I decided to change things along the way
and when I woke up on this fine day
I found that there was something more
to how I was relating and saw the war.
That war that has been inside all along
between factions of darkness, light and the ego, so strong
I saw today that I have been
causing my own suffering.
What happened today, I now believe
was emerging from me so I could have a reprieve
from the tormenting feelings, thoughts and the like
here we go people, drop the mic!
Today I know now that by being in low vibration
from all of the beliefs about myself that caused me starvation
in my heart, from love, that I thought was not there
it continued until I saw that I am 100% responsible for my own care.
Then I saw the narcissist in front of me
and for years and years I could not see
that narcissist was attracted to my lows
and came into my life just to show
me a way out so I could find
the truth of me hidden and misaligned
with the person that I truly am
believe me now, this is not a sham.
I’ve been through hell, and I’ve been back
only to find that the real attack
was my mind that has been haunting me
and causing me complete insanity.
The narcissists come in at my weakest point
and twist things around in my head so I join
in with them and start to believe
what they say to me until I can no longer perceive
myself anymore, I lost her long ago
because I believed the narcissist was rescuing me so
I continued to lower my self-esteem
by asking them to help me and it seemed
like that was the thing they were there to do
so, I could move forward and know how to get through
the challenging times I kept having, and then
they would flip on a dime and become menacing again.
What it interesting to know that I have found
is that they were traumatized too and learned to confound
themselves until they figured out
how to confound me until I began to doubt
who they are and what they do,
they bring to life the drop of the other shoe.
I never knew where it was coming from
I got sucked in and would soon become
someone I’m not, just to please them
and lost myself because I knew not when
the appearance of them would turn into someone that would trip me again.
And now I know that although their behavior
appears to be balanced, centered and they have their shit together
but the actual truth is that I can see how
by my being in a lower energy, I would disavow
all the red flags that popped up over and again
because I just wanted love and would reach out to them
to be my knight in shining armor, rescuing me
and helping me because I couldn’t see
the power I had hidden, deep inside
it couldn’t come out until I took the ride
with them and then I started to see
their behavior on the surface isn’t who they be.
They were traumatized and broken in two
as I watched throughout the years, that behavior and knew
that I was the one who attracted it to me
so, I could find my power and strength to see
the truth of who I really am
the Phoenix burned again and now I stand
in my truth and you will know
that no longer am I on a plateau
trying to figure out my ways
I’ve done that now for many days.
I am finally at a point that I deeply know
I am the one that is running my show
I get to sing to my heart’s content
because it’s my turn now, I am meant
to live my life as who I be
look out world, I’m flying free!