When I am at my lowest point

from situations in my life and to disappoint

myself and others who I thought cared

and instead fell down and was completely scared.

I always needed relationship

and looked outside myself to ride that trip

and what I am finding out today

is that is not the way I get to play.

For, you see there is something interesting

I’m finding in how things that I’m doing have been preventing

me from realizing who I really am

that my life has been a huge scam.

Yet that isn’t true either, my life is my life

and I’m grateful to have it, no matter the strife

which has gotten me through and to the point here

where I’m finding my beliefs have been like a bombardier.

Everything seemingly got blown up

and it felt like my world got more corrupt

even though that was in my mind and then

I realized this was not the truth and that is when

I decided to change things along the way

and when I woke up on this fine day

I found that there was something more

to how I was relating and saw the war.

That war that has been inside all along

between factions of darkness, light and the ego, so strong

I saw today that I have been

causing my own suffering.

What happened today, I now believe

was emerging from me so I could have a reprieve

from the tormenting feelings, thoughts and the like

here we go people, drop the mic!

Today I know now that by being in low vibration

from all of the beliefs about myself that caused me starvation

in my heart, from love, that I thought was not there

it continued until I saw that I am 100% responsible for my own care.

Then I saw the narcissist in front of me

and for years and years I could not see

that narcissist was attracted to my lows

and came into my life just to show

me a way out so I could find

the truth of me hidden and misaligned

with the person that I truly am

believe me now, this is not a sham.

I’ve been through hell, and I’ve been back

only to find that the real attack

was my mind that has been haunting me

and causing me complete insanity.

The narcissists come in at my weakest point

and twist things around in my head so I join

in with them and start to believe

what they say to me until I can no longer perceive

myself anymore, I lost her long ago

because I believed the narcissist was rescuing me so

I continued to lower my self-esteem

by asking them to help me and it seemed

like that was the thing they were there to do

so, I could move forward and know how to get through

the challenging times I kept having, and then

they would flip on a dime and become menacing again.

What it interesting to know that I have found

is that they were traumatized too and learned to confound

themselves until they figured out

how to confound me until I began to doubt

who they are and what they do,

they bring to life the drop of the other shoe.

I never knew where it was coming from

I got sucked in and would soon become

someone I’m not, just to please them

and lost myself because I knew not when

the appearance of them would turn into someone that would trip me again.

And now I know that although their behavior

appears to be balanced, centered and they have their shit together

but the actual truth is that I can see how

by my being in a lower energy, I would disavow

all the red flags that popped up over and again

because I just wanted love and would reach out to them

to be my knight in shining armor, rescuing me

and helping me because I couldn’t see

the power I had hidden, deep inside

it couldn’t come out until I took the ride

with them and then I started to see

their behavior on the surface isn’t who they be.

They were traumatized and broken in two

as I watched throughout the years, that behavior and knew

that I was the one who attracted it to me

so, I could find my power and strength to see

the truth of who I really am

the Phoenix burned again and now I stand

in my truth and you will know

that no longer am I on a plateau

trying to figure out my ways

I’ve done that now for many days.

I am finally at a point that I deeply know

I am the one that is running my show

I get to sing to my heart’s content

because it’s my turn now, I am meant

to live my life as who I be

look out world, I’m flying free!