I had an interesting discovery this morning. I am always working to clear old beliefs and patterns that have been stuck inside of me. Sometimes it’s a cake walk, sometimes, not so much.
This most recent one, I happened to consider, as I said yesterday, with the full moon and end of Mercury Retrograde. For those of you who don’t believe in this, that is ok. Scientifically, as humans, we are made up of energy and there is a system that is similar to magnetism or the magnetic field as part of us.
So, when Mercury Retrograde and full moons (and of course other solar and astronomical occurrences) happen, we are pulled in too when we are not centered or recognizing what is going on. It happens and it just is. The scientific aspect is really not hocus pocus.
Notice, the rate of extreme insanity and desperation and crazy driving and the rise in ER visits, etc., happen more on a full moon than at any other time of the month. Just ask anyone who works in a hospital or is a police officer.
The point to this is that this particular thing that I went through over the past week, was not fully worked through or integrated for me and I went through some pretty traumatizing flashbacks and thought I was losing it and falling backwards, initially. The funny thing is that I know I’m not falling backwards, but that is what it feels like.
So, this morning, I woke up with this deep knowing that as I am releasing the energies, beliefs and patterns that no longer serve me and in this process, some really scary things are happening.
But the deal is this. The scariness is from the past trauma and the emotional flashbacks from the trauma, it isn’t actually happening in the moment. It certainly feels that way because the next thing that happens is that the stress response kicks in and then the ego goes into that hypervigilance mode I was talking about. So now, instead of being in the moment, I am out of the past trauma and into the future fear.
Well, the future hasn’t even happened yet, so there isn’t really anything to be afraid of. I know that worry is a wasted emotion, yet it still comes up for me.
The good news is that with all of the work I have done to heal the trauma along with the beliefs and patterns, it isn’t quite as painful. Yes, I know that may sound weird, but it’s true.
What I have found is that movement, doing something to take your mind off the problem, helping someone else… finding something. Just move and just do. It gives your brain an opportunity to settle and not spin so much and then allows it to come up with resolutions.
Not easy, it really takes practice and sometimes someone, friends, coaches, therapists, can guide you through it if you can’t do it for yourself.
What I do for myself is I talk my way through what is happening, with myself, friends, writing, whatever it takes. Then, I find ways to be physical or to help someone else. Basically, once my mind is focused on that something else, it allows my brain to do its job.
The mind is just a pain in the neck sometimes.
So, this is what I am learning, and the bottom line is this. When something is coming up such as this C-PTSD flashback, running you in circles with “the sky is falling,” the first thing to do is breathe. Next, you can choose to find someone to talk to or find something to do to take your mind off the issue. If you decide to talk to someone, just tell them what is going on, don’t complain about it because it makes it worse for all involved.
Then, and here is the kicker, we all have trust and faith built in. The traumas, beliefs and patterns cover them and as they are released when doing the healing work, it releases the flashbacks or stress response. By clearing, we also get to release the faith and trust.
Instead of doing what you normally do, an example, to go into anxiety, try to sit with it for as long as you can and breath a lot and look for the trust and faith. The best way to do this is through gratitude and appreciation for what you do have.
If you really need to get a taste of something bad to know what is going on for you is only coming from your thoughts, read the book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl. You will understand what I am talking about here.
Ours is a stuck stress response and a memory gone awry, his was a living hell that he turned into peace, but he could only do it through gratitude, trust, faith and perseverance. We are all capable of doing the same.