It was a rough ride over the last 5-7 days. People, situations, lots of challenges. Today I have gotten through to the other side of the challenges and pain and I am at peace. I am in a place now where I can move forward. No, the things I want to happen haven’t arrived yet. I do have what I need, and I appreciate and am grateful for that in and of itself.
Moving into a full understanding of who I am…
Walking out of the Mercury Retrograde and Full Moon, intact.
I am here. I am alive.
Fully letting go of what no longer serves me and shifting gears to do and be as me, for me.
There is a peace in this existence for me that can only be found when releasing the full onslaught of the energy of trauma and what it does.
And what I feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Of trying to fit into a world that I don’t fit into.
It has taken me a long time to figure this out.
I know now I can begin to fully love and care for myself in a way that suits me, my design makeup, my personality.
This realization is also for me to know that I do not need to do it for anyone else.
There are people out there who are just plain not good for me. Oddly, those are the people I so desperately wanted to love me. No longer.
I’m finding things out about myself that I thought were true yet questioned when others told me to be what they wanted me to be. It did not work for me. I got lost inside and outside myself with no direction.
We are all unique. One size does not fit all, no matter what we have been told. That is not truth. This includes in how we learn, how we eat, how we heal, how we think, our physical health, our spirituality. Anything. We were not meant to be automatons.
This I feel fully today.
I am human. I am an individual that exists within a tribe and community.
I am me and if people don’t like or approve oof me because I don’t fit in for whatever reason, I feel sorry for them because they miss the fullness of my experiences and love I share with the world.
I am human. I am truth. I am light. I am love.
A few months ago, I stumbled, quite by accident into something that has helped me to see myself in this light, more fully. I have always advocated to find things that help and then release them when they are no longer viable and move to something that resonates and keep the things that helped.
This happens to resonate with me now.
I have always taken everything I learn and throw it into the proverbial cauldron to blend it into something powerful for me. The Phoenix Rises.
So, when I say what this is, know that I have many things I look at to see how they fit and work for me.
This particular thing is called Human Design. It is very deep and interesting for me and is validating a lot of my thoughts and feelings throughout my life that were pushed aside.
I am a Projector.
What that means is this (found online and written by erinclairejones) and it fits me deeply.
I share so you will know what I have found:
3 things to know about me as a projector –
it fuels me to feel seen, recognized and invited by you, so let me know what you see in me and invite me to share my full self with you. making me feel seen and valued for who I am will bring out the best in me.
my energy ebbs and flows and time alone is sacred for me. the less you expect me to go, go, go and the more you honor my need for space and time alone to recharge, the better we will flow together. I am deeply sensitive and time to myself offers me the rest and restoration I need to be my best.
my gift is seeing you (and others) deeply. if you do not want to be seen or go deep together, I may not be the one for you. if you desire to feel seen and go deep, I am here for it and can meet you there.
Throughout my life, people have made fun of me, challenged me and got angry with me for these things written above. When we do not understand something or are afraid of something, we tend to hurt others.
In the present moment is… this doesn’t matter to me anymore.