Who’da thunk that I would find?
To clear what no longer serves, out of my mind,
Would get me to a place of peace,
That I move forward from release.
I have felt stuck for many years,
Living my life from deep seated fears,
And since doing all this healing work,
At 27 years old, from all the murk.
That’s 30 years of stuffed emotions,
Especially anger which caused such commotion,
Deep inside me and ran my life,
It was stuck and caused a lot of strife.
You see when I was really little,
I was told anger was not beneficial,
Especially as a girl growing up,
Where I had to be good and I’m not allowed to erupt.
For if I did, at some point in my life,
Disruption would hurt someone else, and I was not to cause any strife,
But to keep the peace with everyone,
So, they were happy, and I came undone.
“Hold it all in, don’t hurt them.”
Became the pattern so they wouldn’t feel condemned,
But that ended up hurting me deep inside,
Because I couldn’t be me and speak my mind.
I learned that if I spoke up for my boundaries,
That I would lose love and they would flee,
But that’s how it was, back in “those days,”
Where little girls were supposed to be praised.
Sugar and spice and everything nice,
We had our rhymes to keep us in place,
But what about little girls like me,
Who had a glimpse of power and wanted to be free?
Following the rules so I would not be lost,
In a world of “danger”, but at what cost,
You see I’m going to tell you now,
That when you hold your anger, and kowtow;
To what others in your life expect of you,
“I have no direction, no idea what to do,”
By living the life of someone else,
And ensuring I’m not being myself.
This puts a strain on my soul so big,
That I can’t be who I am, I move into the brig,
Inside myself there is a war,
From keeping peace outside my door.
That is not what we are meant to do,
We are here to be us and coming shining through,
Not what someone expects of us,
Because then we turn on ourselves, and then stop trust.
Within here is where all our answers lie,
But when we don’t trust self, it causes us to deny,
Who we are, that’s not how it goes,
Breaking free of that is what I propose.
There is one way to do that now,
Is to release the clutter in our space and somehow,
When we do that our mind becomes at ease,
And as time goes on we are more at Peace.