HI, I’M CAROLINE…
AND HERE IS MY STORY…
Throughout my life I’ve accepted myself as being a seeker of truth, looking outside of myself for that truth.
I was also taught as a woman to make sure everyone else was happy and to keep the peace.
All this got me was lost and confused and wanting to know why I was even here on this planet.
No matter what I did, no one was ever happy and there was never any peace. I certainly wasn’t happy or peaceful and I didn’t even know who I was.
In this process,
I LOST MYSELF…
In my early 20’s, married and with one child, my son, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I couldn’t seem to ever make my husband, at the time, happy, or anyone for that matter. I was dying inside and didn’t know why and little by little gave myself away to him so he could be happy.
From not being who I really am and in giving myself away, I felt like I was becoming less than and smaller and smaller and took this feeling into every aspect of my life from that point on.
I continued to keep up with everything I had to do and everything I had to be and never learned how to just stop and be. I couldn’t even sit down before the day was almost over because when I stopped, I would pass out. It was the only way I could survive.
I began to feel like a failure and I needed to find a way fix myself, or so I though at the time.
MY JOURNEY TO “FIX” ME…
I had begun my healing journey around the age of 27. Nothing seemed to be working for me, especially my marriage. I could not make my then husband happy, no matter what I did and our marriage steadily went downhill.
During this time, my beautiful daughter was born, and it was a Magic Moment for me. Things appeared to change for the better, but only for a short time.
Throughout these years, in seeking my truth, I searched everywhere outside myself for healing and guidance. I went through many acquaintances, religions, places I visited, college degrees, and schools of thought and came to find that the answers were not out there. I researched teachings such as Eastern Philosophy, Yoga, Ayurvedic Medicine, and energy work. Where I landed at the time was with Native American/Indigenous Teachings/nature based cultures, which helped the most to move me to where I am today.
The marriage itself, lasted 12 ½ years; and then the unimaginable happened.
At the end of the tumultuous relationship with my ex, my life began to shatter around me. I had tried so hard to keep my little family together to no avail. Hostile Divorce, Alienation and Family Bond Obstruction came into my life.
For me, it was just the beginning of the loss of my children where I couldn’t even grieve… Why? Because they didn’t die. It was a grief so deep, I couldn’t shake it off and was so painful for me, I shut down for almost 20 years of my life.
For the world, at the time, the words, Parental Alienation, were just coming out into the public, albeit slowly. There was no support from my family and there was no support online.
I had no one who understood what was happening with me. I learned later that to a lot of people who really don’t understand what this is, it’s simple; just take the soon to be ex-spouse to court and take care of it. Not so easy, as I had begun to find out.
I actually found out about Parental Alienation from my children’s therapist, the one my ex and his wife hired. Interestingly, after telling me these words after a session we all had together, she too backed away.
This time was very confusing for me as I could not understand what was happening. Why couldn’t we work together? Why couldn’t we tell the children together that we loved them and would work together and be there for them no matter what? Why wasn’t anyone in the legal system, DCSE, police department helping me? Why? Why? Why?
I felt helpless and alone.
At the time, only one group was available to me, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (the initiators of Bubbles of Love, Parental Alienation Awareness Day, annually on April 25th). It was so new, I was able to speak on the phone with the founder, Sarvy Emo as she had time. She was my lifeline back into the world.
The words parental alienation which mean that during a hostile divorce, where the children end up with one of the parents and due to the normal and natural growth process of children, not being told the whole truth about the noncustodial parent, or being lied to about the noncustodial parent, the child decides to not want anything to do with a loving parent. I was the alienated parent.
Parental Alienation generally involves narcissistic behavior by the custodial parent and/or guardian. I have spoken to many people who have gone through this and that is usually the common denominator.
However, after speaking with many adult children about these words, they cannot themselves connect with them. For them, it seems to give them of feeling of having to blame the custodial parent and that isn’t what we are working towards. Blaming is not an option. Emotions cause pain and the pain causes the actions of the parents and the attorneys and courts take it from there.
Being involved as a participant with the filming of the new documentary called Erasing Family which is a film told from the perspective of children/young adults from divorced families who are fighting to reunite with their broken families. The film investigates Family Bond Obstruction from multiple perspectives: Moms and Dads alienated from their children and siblings who don’t see each other.
As an Ambassador for the film as well as a participant I highly suggest finding out more information about it. You can also donate to the film, or show the film in your school, mental health facility, bar association, etc. This film is to make aware and educate the public of a growing public health crisis. Kids deserve to love and be loved by both fit & loving parents. Go HERE to get more information, donate or be a supporter by showing the film.
CONTINUING MY SEARCH
At the time, I still had no idea which direction to turn, and no one in my life understood what I was going through, although my friends tried. Finally, at least, after 4 years of a living nightmare, I could put a word to what was happening to me.
But it didn’t end there.
For me, during that time, I felt lost, alone and in a complete and utter depression and was desperately looking for a way to “fix” myself so I could be there for my kids.
Going through my process, after many years, I started to realize there was nothing wrong with me, nothing to fix.
After speaking with counselors, therapists and coaches, I found out that everything I was feeling was completely normal, especially going through something so completely sadistic as the Alienation and Family Bond Obstruction in dealing with the Courts, DCSE and even in trying to get help from the police.
Going through it, I felt I was the only one. However, throughout the years, I found out, it is much more insidious than I had originally thought.
Insidious to the point that approximately 65% of marriages end up in divorce in this country alone and Alienation and Family Bond Obstruction happens in about 70 – 80% of the countries in the world. Think there might be an issue here?
What was discovered by others in the field who have studied this endemic in the legal system and having been exposed to this myself, as a noncustodial parent, there is generally nothing you can do to fight against this legal system unless you have a lot of money.
And… sadly, even those that have money, are taken advantage of by some attorneys because of the alienated parent’s assets. The legal system, through divorce, is tearing down the family system. (Please note that the alienation not only affects noncustodial parents and the children but can also affect the siblings, grandparents and other special people in a child’s life.)
Practically no one who goes through a hostile divorce and has children, is immune.
Add to this the narcissistic behavior of the custodial parent/guardian and this is a time bomb set to go off. It, among other systems in our society, are destroying humanity. I believe that narcissism is also a direct result of the way we are raised in our society. The idea here is not to blame but to heal.
DISCOVERIES THROUGH MY JOURNEY…
After going through over 25 years of self-discovery and coming home to a place of clarity on myself and my purpose, I am now open and ready to share my story.
I have two adult children, ages 29 and 23, and I am very proud of them. The process I worked through during the alienation years, started my search into myself.
In July 2014, I took a Personal Development course with my son and my life took off.
I don’t, however, want to make this sound glamorous; it was not. It took two years of tears and many Dark Nights of the Soul. I also worked through anger, sadness, shame, fear, and feeling in lack and not good enough.
Then I took another Personal Development course that took me to another level of learning; healing and being present for myself and others. Learning this helped me to break through that last piece of the missing link that was stopping me from enjoying my life and being of service to others.
I now have a beautiful relationship with my son and still in process with my daughter. I send her texts and have been able to speak to her a few times on the phone. I am grateful to have these opportunities with her.
I decided to use my story as a catalyst to help others in any way I can.
From my experience, I have started a support group for women, Glimmers of Hope – Noncustodial Moms Support – Divorce/Alienation, who are going through hostile divorce as the noncustodial mother which is on Facebook. If you are a Father or Family Member/Sibling, you can connect with us at Glimmers of Hope – All Inclusive Family Support Group – Divorce/Alienation. Please be aware these are closed groups and you will need to answer a couple of questions before entry.
I work with women who have been through divorce, alienation and Family Bond Obstruction, in their growth and healing process. As we work through the mother and father wounds, the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine, which is inside all of us, begins to heal. In turn, as we are able to heal ourselves, the world will heal and grow.
This and my children are why I am doing this.
I feel that healing this planet and the people on it, is of high importance and after healing ourselves, we begin to heal Mother Earth and the wounding of our girls, women, mothers and grandmothers that have been going on far to long, literally affecting life on this planet. We ARE the bearers of life! These wounds have in turn affected the boys and men; it is time to heal the deep hole of emptiness in us all.
Aside from the support groups, I also work as an affiliate to the non profit group, Kids Need Both, facilitating Court Directed and Approved, Online Co-parenting Courses. Go HERE for more information. We will soon have this available locally in Palm Beach County, FL.
As a Life Leadership Coach, Affiliate for the Co-Parenting Course, Ambassador & Participant for Erasing Family Documentary, Founder of Glimmers of Hope, the Online Divorce/Alienation/Family Bond Obstruction Support Groups for Noncustodial Mothers, Fathers and Erased Family Members and Siblings, I assist others in connection, love, support and healing so they can move forward in their lives. I also partner with therapists and other professionals, in the areas of divorce, alienation (something she has been through for almost 20 years) and Family Bond Obstruction.
I also work Part Time as an After School Counselor/Summer Camp Counselor for Extreme Velocity Martial Arts in Boca Raton, FL.
My studies have included the belief systems we learn as children and how our habits and behaviors are affected by these beliefs when we become adults. I have unique, compassionate approach with everyone I work with in shifting from outmoded beliefs to connecting with our authentic selves in order to serve our planet.
I have been working on my own personal development through research and courses for over 25 years which led me to combine my gifts and skills, from learning how to be present in my own life, into a cohesive program that guides and assists others through anxiety, overwhelm and breaking through their unconscious belief systems.
I have lived in South Florida for the past 3 years and have a varied background in fields such as the military, business and administration. I received a Master’s Degree in Metaphysical Humanistic Science in 2017.
Awaken to your infinite potential and join the critical mass in healing ourselves, each other and the planet.
Healing brings us closer to our own truth.
Healing work using support groups, courses, workshops and Native American style talking/healing circles through which unconditional love and support are promoted. Guiding families and children in moving forward past the pain, anger and other trapped feelings of being victimized to a more healed and powerful space where they are no longer victims, rather a powerful voice and change agent for the systems that promote Hostile Divorce, Alienation and Family Bond Obstruction.
Providing connection, guidance, love and support with those dealing with hostile divorce, alienation and Family Bond Obstruction, in reclaiming your life through education and awareness along with the help of partners also involved in helping children and families. Reuniting families and children back together who have gone through these things. Why? …because we care about what happens to our children and our world.
A NEW WORLD
The work I did on myself that I get to share with others was the catalyst on my journey to seek out and see the truth. None of the answers were outside of me. I found them inside myself. I am now a Seer of Truth.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” E. H. Chapin